強さ

強くなろう。　死んでゆくものと正面から向き合えるぐらい強く。　そんな強さが今の僕にはどうしても必要。

I feel tired. And alive.

I've been quite unactive the last couple of months. Been doing literally nothing productive of my life. And that turned out to be unexpectedly frustrating. My nerves are quite fucked, as my stomach is.

This week I've been busy. Not exactly because of choice, but for several reasons that are beyond me. Especially today, I was busy most part of the day. And ugly busy, with tough work to do. As expected I am tired as hell. Unexpectedly, I feel quite well.

I spent the whole day in productive activities. Tough activities. I had to do all of them independently from my will. Quite stressing and very tiring.

But now, at the end of the day, I feel fine. I feel useful. I had a mission to start the day, and I've fulfilled it. I feel alive. And it's a good feeling. Much better than trying to sleep with the anguish of having spent a day which would've been the same hadn't I woken up.